all my writing is gone

and everything is worse now. Hopefully I am able to look back at this in 9 months and smile. Hopefully I will have written so much more in the next 9 months that I no longer care. I wonder if I would care this much if a friend died. You never really know how something is going to affect you until it happens. And then it happens again and again, in your brain, as you retrace every stupid step you took to get there. 


Whenever I search for how to get over a loss on google, it’s always people bitching about their losing their girlfriend. I’ve never experienced that kind of loss, but I imagine it’s similar. You spent so much time building the relationship and then something unexpected occurs and everything you built is for nothing. I don’t know if that comparison is particularly apt because usually relationships don’t just stop cold, they die slowly. At least that’s how I remember it. 


Somebody could break into this house, rob me at gunpoint and take all my shit out of my room. That might feel better than this. I pretty much know all these items, and can replace them by simply working until I have enough money to justify their replacement. I can’t recreate those notes. 

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