All my words

the thing no one tells you about drugs is that they create another version of you.  a version where you’re fun, creative, innocent, interested, interesting, passionate. The problem isn’t the person you become while high, but the remainder who has to do shit the next day. Me right now. The person who can barely form coherent sentences because everything seems pointless and it is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the hole i’ve dug myself into. the problem is the person who just woke up at 3:47pm, ignored several messages from work, two interviews, my girlfriend… but you keep doing it, because you want people to think that he is the real you. the fun one they got for the few hours they spent in his presence. But he’s not. He's just one swing of the pendulum of personalities I force myself through on a weekly basis. 

Watching Curb with first date in my apartment (she doesnt get it) Jeff Garlin appears on screen “Hey that’s the guy from Wizards of Waverly Place!” I need to date older girls.  

Sometimes my date leaves and I am still feeling the residual high from the edible marijuana I ingested 30min before she arrived so that we would get along, so I turn my attention to the note pad. Some sad individuals get high and indulge in the creations of others. I point my brain directly at the void.  

Here’s how messed up I am:  I will go buy some groceries, take them home, and throw them in the trash. This is how i stay in shape.   Why? at the store I think: I can handle ice cream. I deserve ice cream. I was good today. And then when I get home I think: Why did I buy this literal poison for myself. I am lactose intolerant. This will definitely make me sick and give me acne. And it’s got Jimmy Fallons face on it. Why? The tonight dough, real funny. Fuck that guy and his insane fake laugh. I will save my future self and throw it away. Freshly sealed.

Here’s how messed up I am, I will go buy some groceries, take them home, and throw them in the trash. that’s how i stay in shape. This ice cream was a mistake. Fuck Ben and Jerry's and all their political bullshit. You sell poison.  Why? Because at the store I thought: I can handle ice cream. I deserve ice cream. I was a good boy today. And then when I get home I think: Why did I buy this literal poison for myself. I am lactose intolerant. This will definitely make me sick and give me acne. And it’s got Jimmy Fallons face on it for some reason. The tonight dough, real funny. Fuck that guy and his insane fake laugh. I will save my future self and throw it away. Unopened.

I just got up to use the restroom on this flight, and since my seat was further to the front of the aircraft than the back, i foolishly stepped through the curtain divider into first class, heading towards that bathroom instead.   The flight attendant could smell me coming. She could smell the poor on my body. “SIR, You’re not supposed to be here” almost enraged. A man of few words, I shrugged and pointed to the bathroom. She physically referred to a cryptic sign on the wall which I couldn’t read and seethed: “You need to turn around and go back to your section.” She was defending her territory. That’s her job. I chuckled under my mask because I am high. The first class passengers enjoyed the show. This is what’s supposed to be happening. That’s why they pay that extra $7000 for first class, to escape poors like me who have the audacity to walk through their curtained section to use the closer restroom. worth every penny.   Moments later, I heard a voice over the intercom: “Po...

When I was a kid, you did not want to be called gay. That was the absolute worst thing you could be. Now, the opposite must be true. I am oddly sure some kids are getting bullied now for being straight.   Oh my god look at his fish shirt, what are you straight? Tommy’s straight, Tommy’s straight! I bet he goes fishing with his dad! Father son bonding! Fucking breeders, am I right? I bet your dad’s a cop, you stupid, straight fuck. Make America Great Again, right? Hahaha.   I’m sure this is happening because I see it on twitter. Which is a real place. It’s like: “Oh my god this guy doesn’t even know his girlfriend’s 10th favorite band. Are the straights okay?” Bitch nobody’s okay. Everyone’s life sucks all the time — existence is pain. Just Shut The Fuck Up.  

The third TV arrived today. Some poor wage slave carried that huge box up to my apartment in the pouring rain. But it never got to me. Someone must have stolen it. I don’t know what happened. But I think I’m entitled to a refund. At least, that’s what I tell the Amazon Customer Service Representative on the phone. In reality, no one is entitled to anything. “Fair” and “deserve” are words a child would use.   Picking at my poorly painted nails, I brace for his response.   “So you never received the item?” “No I did not.” “Are you sure? Did you check everywhere around the residence?” “Yes sir.” “Okay, give me a moment.” “Thank you.” I feel the sudden urge to urinate. I walk across the 15-foot perimeter of my apartment to the bathroom and take my piss, phone in one hand, dick in the other, aiming for the side of the bowl to minimize the sound.   Mid-stream, he’s back.   “Hello, Tom, are you still there?” “Yes.” “Okay, we are very sorry that someone might have taken your...

I hate animated fight scenes I hate mid-fight reaction faces I hate emotional flashbacks I hate Japanese screaming I hate Plot Armor I hate Fan Service I hate it all

she offered me some candy and when our eyes met, faces suddenly inches apart, my blood froze. she probably felt nothing. i absentmindedly grabbed two pieces of something from her basket, which she then informed me were chalk. “I eat chalk all the time” I replied, thankful to have thought of something clever in her presence. She giggled girlishly. I don’t remember how the interaction ended but I couldn’t think of anything else funny to say. She moved on and my heart rate returned to normal. goodbye.