acne

i used to get bad acne as a teen and i never really got over it. every time i'd get close to someone’s face, look them in the eyes, a significant part of me is thinking: they’re seeing how sick i am. they’re seeing every acne mark on my face and they’re seeing the darkness under my eyes, the dryness of my lips, the general lopsided-ness of my face, seeing the same obviously physically sick creature i see my self. 

it’s something i’m eating. actually, it’s probably everything i’m eating. most kids who starve themselves are trying to lose weight. i was trying to starve whatever bacteria in my stomach caused acne. and when i would fast, the acne would actually go away. but then what? are you going to reintroduce foods to body, one at a time, slowly, for years, unable to eat with your friends because you’re a constant science experiment? I considered that and chose acne instead.